Rate My Marty

I missed my usual Friday night blog post because I was working right up to deadline as usual, and didn’t have time to wax lyrical about mules (a travesty, I know). I still don’t have much time so here’s a post I found in my draft folder. I started writing it back in January when I was on a lot of painkillers.

Rate My Marty!

MARTY™TALL
★★★★☆
Very tall, impressive bearing.
Good at scaring off bears.
Can see for 53.4 miles.
People say, “Get off your high horse” and you say “HA HE’S A MULE HAHAHA”.
One star deducted due to meteorology complaints.

 

 

MARTY™COMPACT
★★☆☆☆
Sporadically portable.
Very small, very angry.
Occasionally explosive.
Can only travel uphill.
Impossible to control.

 

 

MARTY™SOFTbUTT
★★★★☆
Very soft.
Very butt.

 

 

MARTY™HECK
☆☆☆☆☆
No.
Why would you?

 

 

MARTY™DWARF-FRIEND
★★★★★
Excellent.
Can do cool flips.
Very youthful.
Will not steal from you.
Will not toss you.

 

 

MARTY™MYSTICAL
★★★★☆
Will align your chakras.
#Blessed
Definitely an Indigo Child.
Would make my dad roll his eyes A LOT.
Only a visitor of the nexus may foster this unifying of starfire.

 

MARTY™IMMOBILE
★★☆☆☆
Can not be moved.
Great on windy days.
Perfect for meeting unstoppable objects.
Ideal for government protests.
Otherwise not at all useful.

 

MARTY™HRNNKK
★☆☆☆☆
HRNNKKK
RWARNNNKK
BWAAARRNKK
NRAWWNKK

 

 

MARTY™MEDIEVAL
★★★★☆
Surprisingly talented.
Weird fashion sense.
Can speak 23 languages.
Loses 1 star as attracts snake men.

 

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