Rate My Marty

I missed my usual Friday night blog post because I was working right up to deadline as usual, and didn’t have time to wax lyrical about mules (a travesty, I know). I still don’t have much time so here’s a post I found in my draft folder. I started writing it back in January when I was on a lot of painkillers.

Rate My Marty!

MARTY™TALL
★★★★☆
Very tall, impressive bearing.
Good at scaring off bears.
Can see for 53.4 miles.
People say, “Get off your high horse” and you say “HA HE’S A MULE HAHAHA”.
One star deducted due to meteorology complaints.

 

 

MARTY™COMPACT
★★☆☆☆
Sporadically portable.
Very small, very angry.
Occasionally explosive.
Can only travel uphill.
Impossible to control.

 

 

MARTY™SOFTbUTT
★★★★☆
Very soft.
Very butt.

 

 

MARTY™HECK
☆☆☆☆☆
No.
Why would you?

 

 

MARTY™DWARF-FRIEND
★★★★★
Excellent.
Can do cool flips.
Very youthful.
Will not steal from you.
Will not toss you.

 

 

MARTY™MYSTICAL
★★★★☆
Will align your chakras.
#Blessed
Definitely an Indigo Child.
Would make my dad roll his eyes A LOT.
Only a visitor of the nexus may foster this unifying of starfire.

 

MARTY™IMMOBILE
★★☆☆☆
Can not be moved.
Great on windy days.
Perfect for meeting unstoppable objects.
Ideal for government protests.
Otherwise not at all useful.

 

MARTY™HRNNKK
★☆☆☆☆
HRNNKKK
RWARNNNKK
BWAAARRNKK
NRAWWNKK

 

 

MARTY™MEDIEVAL
★★★★☆
Surprisingly talented.
Weird fashion sense.
Can speak 23 languages.
Loses 1 star as attracts snake men.

 

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Mulographer Sari

Sari was raised by cats which accounts for her solitary nature, occasional mania, and attraction to shiny objects. After riding and being around horses for 22 years, she discovered that she was, in fact, a mule girl and fell hopelessly in love with these extraordinary creatures. She lives in Wales and is married to Ben, who is potentially the best Ben who ever Benned.

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